Advice from Song of Solomon on being a better wife
In keeping with the theme of February…romance and all that…I thought it only appropriate to follow the Holy Spirit’s lead and study my way through Song of Solomon. As I was studying, I noticed some things I can work on doing better as a wife. Things that will make me a little sweeter, a little kinder, and a little more helpful to my husband. I want to share these things with you wives.
I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem…that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
Song of Solomon 2:7
Let him rest.
If your husband is anything like mine, he works hard. All. The. Time. Mentally and physically. I try to do my best to ensure that he has a few calm minutes each day when he comes home to unwind. Maybe this looks different for you and your husband. Maybe your hubby enjoys sleeping in on the weekends. Whatever his version of “rest” looks like, allow him to have it. We are to be his help meet, and one way we help him is by taking a little bit of stress off his shoulders whenever we can. This is just one small blessing we can give him.
It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go…
Song of Solomon 3:4
Be sweet and affectionate.
When you have been apart any length of time, when he comes home from work (or you come home from work), greet each other with a hug and kiss. Hold him a little longer than normal, be in tune to how he is feeling. If he needs to talk, make sure you listen. If you are a Mama with little ones around, maybe arrange for a few minutes where the children are occupied and sit with your hubby and be able to FOCUS, listening to how his day was. You never know when it will be your last hug or your last kiss! Take advantage of each opportunity.
Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.
Song of Solomon 4:1
Say “thank you”.
Accept his help. Say thank you. We know you can, but you don’t HAVE to do everything yourself. They need to be needed! Accept his compliments. This is one of the hardest things for me to do. I always want to come back with a response of “Oh please, all I see are wrinkles!”, or “Are you kidding? I look like a cow!” “No way, it was terrible, my voice cracked twice!” You are beautiful to your husband. Don’t let your insecurities get in the way of that. Appreciate his affection and admiration. Don’t point out your flaws to him! If he doesn’t see them, that’s just fine, thank God for it! Be grateful if you have a man who lets you know how beautiful you are, and thank God for him!
Come with me from Lebanon, my spouse, with me from Lebanon: look from the top of Amana, from the top of Shenir and Hermon, from the lions’ dens, from the mountains of the leopards.
Song of Solomon 4:8
Do things he likes to do.
You and your husband may not share all of the same interests and hobbies. That’s okay! The important thing to remember is to never make him feel like less of a person because he enjoys something you don’t. In fact, I guarantee you he would love nothing more than for you to join him from time to time when he goes fishing, hunting, car show browsing, does yard work, WHATEVER! If you can’t bring yourself to join him (say he fishes, and you are scared of the open water) at least be sure to participate in conversation about this hobby or interest. Make sure he has opportunities to pursue these passions, and don’t make him feel guilty for taking time away from you.
What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women? what is thy beloved more than another beloved… My beloved is…the chiefest among ten thousand.
Song of Solomon 5:9-10
Remind him (and yourself) of his good qualities!
Wives, our husbands get insecure too. It’s true! Husbands may never admit to it, but they wonder what their wives think of them from time to time. They worry about aging, just like we do. Confident men occasionally doubt themselves, and their confidence falters too. It’s normal. We are only human. Make sure you point out his good qualities, and remind him why you fell in love with him. Be sure to point out the reasons you are STILL in love with him, as well. Sometimes those reasons are not the same as why you fell in love in the first place! We all grow and change together as couples.
I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.
Song of Solomon 7:10
He is desirous of you.
Your husband is a man. Men have desires. It’s the way God made them. When you get married, his desires are focused on you and only you can relieve those desires. This is the way it should be. This is where babies come from, this is part of what keeps a hubby happy, and this is what helps him be less stressed. Simple as that!
Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth…
Song of Solomon 7:11-12
Do things together.
No matter how mundane the daily chores are, when practical, tackle them together. It doesn’t matter how much you hate running his “manly errands” with him, go to that hardware store! Just spend time together as a couple and as a family. Get the children involved. Take trips together. Go on dates. These don’t have to cost a lot of money, they can be simple or extravagant. Just so long as you spend time together. God blessed you with each other, and you have to be intentional to keep the marriage alive and strong.
…love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.
Song of Solomon 8:6
Don’t give him reason to be jealous.
Unfortunately, some women find a twisted power in being able to make their husbands jealous of someone or something else. Perhaps it is another man’s attention that makes him jealous. Or maybe he feels the children in the his own home get more love and attention than he does. Whatever it is that could be causing jealousy, make sure you re-prioritize. Make your husband feel like he is the most important thing in your life! After all, when you were dating you made him feel that way!
If you are looking to improve your marriage or just to be a sweeter wife, it doesn’t require that you rearrange your marriage totally! Small changes in daily habits can make a huge difference. Here’s a challenge: Read the book of Song of Solomon together with your spouse. Talk about the attributes you see in the husband and wife relationship, and what you want to change or implement in your marriage. It can truly be a game changer, and is totally worth the effort.
