Parenting with your inside voice

Raise your hand if you are a mother who has never once raised your voice, or snapped at your child out of frustration. (Now if you raised your hand, please e-mail me and let me know how you have managed this feat!) I so greatly admire mothers who seem to have more patience than I do. The mothers who speak in soft tones to their children, and the children who reply sweetly, and immediately obey their mothers amaze me. I often pray that God would bless me with a little more patience when dealing with my children. I would, however, be willing to bet that even those seemingly patient mothers have their moments where they lose their temper or raise their voice with their precious little ones. It happens. So how can we deal with this?

Recognize the issue

To identify why we raise our voices with our children, we must first get to the root of the problem. Surely we don’t simply enjoy yelling, or lashing out at others, so there must be another problem. When we raise our voices at our children it is most of the time out of anger, frustration, or impatience. We have become aggravated and take it personally because they failed to act quickly enough, because they made a mess that now we have to clean up, or even perhaps because they put themselves in harm’s way. Without thinking we raise our voices and let them know our hot displeasure! (Psalm 6:1) If only there were some way to control our tongue!

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

Proverbs 15:1

When we continually parent our children with a spirit of anger or frustration, we are metaphorically grabbing their hand and pulling them through this life. Yes, we are showing them where to go, and how to get there, but we are doing nothing for their spirit. We are not raising them with their heart in mind, only demanding compliance and perhaps even a bit of fear from them. They will likely grow up bitter, and less willing to serve God, and their relationships with others will probably suffer as well.

By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.

Proverbs 25:15

Patience, kind words, and soft tones in correction go a long way in shepherding the heart of your child. When parenting, discipline, and correction are done in love and kindness it reaches the heart of the child. Isn’t that how God corrects us as his children? He is a patient and loving God, giving us many opportunities to mess up and learn from our mistakes. He calls, leads, guides us with that still small voice, and always waits with open arms to forgive us when we come to him after realizing the error of our ways.

The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from the Lord.

Proverbs 16:1

Just as you would prepare yourself for work each day, you must prepare your heart to interact with your children (or anyone, for that matter!). Pray and ask God daily, multiple times a day, to help you respond to them softly, and in love. Listen for God to speak to you throughout the day also. The lessons he can teach us through our children are endless.

We have an important job, Mamas! Let’s put on the whole armor of God, and be the best we can be for our children, for Christ’s sake. You stand in the gap between your children and the world every day. Make every day count!