The Church family you married into, were born into, or have recently joined – IS YOUR CHURCH FAMILY!
Listen, I’ve been there. My husband grew up at Bible Baptist Church. His family joined when he was 2. The pastor and Church members watched him grow up. They saw parts of his life I didn’t get to see. So when I started attending BBC when we dated, and then we got married and called BBC our “home Church”, I felt a little awkward. Honestly it took years before I felt like anything other than “Wilson’s wife who comes to Church with him”. I don’t necessarily think it was anyone’s fault but my own. I was very much “in my head” about it. It truly hindered my relationships with other people in the Church. It certainly affected my desire to get involved. Sometimes this can be the case even if you were born into the Church you attend. If you are a teenager or young adult, you may feel like it’s “Mom and Dad’s Church”. This can apply to so many of us. So with this being said, it’s on my heart to tell you a few things.
To the new Church member:
- Get involved! The best way to overcome insecurities and feel more at home is to be part of what is going on. Attend the outings, go to the ladies’ events, speak to others first! I know it can be intimidating. Especially if you are naturally uncomfortable with this. Eventually it gets easier. Also, get a ministry. If you have a ministry, even if it’s keeping the nursery once a month, others will look for you to be there in your place. You will feel more needed and important!
- Don’t dwell on it! I promise you, very few people (if any) think of you as just “So-and-So’s wife”. Satan would love for you to think this, though. He wants to discourage you from having friends and being involved at Church, no matter what. Don’t let him whisper in your ear that you are “JUST” anything! You are a child of God. You’re a vital part of a Church family. You affect the lives of others. Don’t ever forget that.
- Pray about it! Things like this that get inside our heads can truly eat at us. Something as simple as a “feeling” can end up causing problems in a marriage, a home, and can make you quit Church altogether. Pray that God would help you overcome these insecurities and help you feel more at home at Church.
To the Church family who has a new member:
- Be welcoming! Encourage and include your new member in conversations. When talking to her husband and she is there, be sure to speak directly to her, also. Ask her about her life. She matters to God. God chose HER to join HIS Church.
- Be a friend! Invite your new member to lunch. Put together a play date or lunch date with other women in the Church. Find ways to include your new friend in things that you are involved in. Ask for her help with something (even if you don’t really think you need it).
- Show love! Find out some things about your new member, then intentionally be a blessing to her. Notice when it looks like she has had a bad day – pray for her. Get her number and text her that you are praying for her. Tell her what a blessing it is to have HER in the Church.
And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life.
Philippians 4:3
